What Money Can't Buy

 "A thick bankroll is no help when life falls apart, but a principled life can stand up to the worst." Prov. 11:4 MSG.

Several years ago, I looked at our bank app and saw it...Account balance: $0.00. The pit in my stomach was real. Panic tried to surface, followed by vulnerability. We had three small kids and a sick husband. What were we going to do now? 

Kevin was amazing in that he worked even when he was going through the horrible fatigue of chemo. His employer was also incredible for allowing him to work from home, which meant that he could save his energy for the work. I held part-time jobs from home in between diaper changes, therapies for the kids and keeping up with Kevin's medical needs. But even so, there was too much month at the end of the money. We asked God about it and He came through in ways we never could have orchestrated. There were checks that came in the mail "just when needed". Meals arrived from our church, which meant that I didn't have to cook while Kevin was in chemo. God saw. And he answered in ways that only he could.

A year after Kevin died, I had been working through my thoughts on how I was going to provide for me and the kids. We had spent much of our retirement savings on Kevin's treatment (and I will always be thankful to know that we did literally everything possible to save his life). Now, I wrestled with my own personal conviction of "Now I'm both Mom and Dad, so I need to be the provider" and frantically started applying for jobs. I applied for everything I was qualified for. I had extensive experience and a college degree, but no one would hire me. I was confused and thought, "Lord, I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm trying to be responsible and take care of my family. Why won't anyone hire me?"

About two months into my job search, my mentor friend Gena reached out to me. She wanted to get together to talk about writing. It wasn't long until I realized what God had been trying to tell me. She reminded me that God has a huge heart for widows and orphans and that he wants to provide. He knew that my kids needed me to be present both physically and emotionally at this point in their life. So I let go of my feelings of "responsibility" and instead asked God what he wanted me to spend my time doing. Each day he is showing me the work he has for me. And each day He more than provides! I no longer worry about money because when you are doing the work the Lord wants you to, the money that is needed follows. He provides. (Also, the Dollar Store has bread for $1.25 on Fridays. You're welcome. ;)

Let's be sure not to confuse doing what God wants us to do with doing what I want to do. Sometimes, doing what God wants us to do is work a job that is less-than-fun for whatever reason He chooses. Whatever the reason is, we know by faith that He will use that time for our good and for others' good as well. The point is that we need to know what God says in his word and then listen to him through the holy spirit to guide us each day. And this doesn't just apply to finances. It applies to all of life. It's so freeing. 

Like much of the country, I watched Charlie Kirk's memorial service. Politics aside, we have a lot to take away from Erika's message. As I watched her walk out onto the stage of her husband's memorial service, I didn't just see Erika. I saw her as a woman made in the image of God. I could see Him in and on her the entire time she was on stage. I noticed how she walked out and paused twice to greet everyone without the protection of ballistic glass. She bravely submitted her life to the Lord and allowed the Lord to be her protection if it wasn't her time to die, much like Esther when she entered the king's presence. If he chose to withhold his scepter, Esther would have lost her life. But she bravely did what God told her to do. And now, years later, we see the impact her obedience had and continues to have on the world.

Proverbs 11:4 reminds us that money will not be enough to cover the hard of life. Instead, I've seen it so many times in my own life that when we stop and allow God to lead, that is when "all things work together for good (Rom. 8.28)."